Though I Walk Through the Valley

Lord, do you see me here?

Am I left to die in this place?

Please hear my cry

 

Will I see a day

When I don’t look back

Or sink back to the bottom?

The lows are so low

And the highs?

Well they are merely not the lows

 

Will I finish this race?

I can barely make it a day,

A week

A month

How will I ever make it to the end?

The descent has been unbearable

What is next?

The painful decline from unbearable to…

 

The heart is restless

And clenches for what is to come

With dread for what may vary well arise

Doubt engulfs every thought

 

The heart screams

Yet not even a whisper can be heard

The temptation of the blade

Comes knocking

Thumbs finger the gate towards shame

With fate resting on the sharp edge

 

Will I see tomorrow?

Will I wake to these scars

And hide them from foreign eyes

Only to wish I could unsee them?

 

Lord do you see me here

I am far too weak

And about to break

Can you stop me from myself

And what I am about to do

 

Will the sun shine again?

Will you grace me with your presence again, oh Lord?

Will you carry me to your still waters?

Will you guide this lost and wayward heart?

 

Light has withdrawn

And left the soul to cave

To every thought and scheme

A false hope in death

A fake relief through a bloody release

 

An endless pit

Downward, downward, downward

With each breath, the next one fails

Stuck in this daze

A nightmare with a powerful grip

 

Please forgive me

For I have sinned

I have left your steady hand

To dwell in the darkness

 

I call upon the Cross

The beautiful, wonderful Cross

The pure and holy blood of the Lamb

 

Oh Lord

In this time of need

Please save me

 

I am…

…

…

…

Lost

 

I try and only further push you away

I’m in quicksand

Sinking far too fast

 

Oh Lord, my rock

Please save me.

What If

A world of broken dreams

And hopeful ones

Of a road long gone

Or a brighter future

A sorrow filled sigh

Or a joyful thought

A trap from the past

Or a place of broken shackles

 

Worlds are created

In this fictional space

We regret

We dream

And we wonder

A world painted in bright colors

Or permanent blots

Marking our every move

 

What if

Two simple words

Yet two sharp edges

 

What if I had just said hello

What if I had just said no

What if I had just walked away sooner

What if I had just taken that chance

 

What if I stopped the second guessing

What if I stopped this charade

Because the regret of yesterday

Saps the joy from tomorrow

 

And you know what?

What if the best is yet to come.

A Pixeled Tragedy

Everywhere to go

Yet nowhere to be

Everyone to meet

Yet no one to know

Hi’s and hellos

Yet not a simple how are you today

We accept the shade of what it truly means to be friends,

Sacrifice and effort

We are connected to every soul

Yet complete foreigners past the like

You see,

If I like enough posts

That means we are friends,

Right?

Hate and judgment

Without really knowing what they have said

Or really mean

Unfollow

Unfriend

A simple click

A simple shrug

A decision that won’t even be remembered past the hour

Is friendship really built on a click?

Or do the roots go much deeper?

To sacrifice

To give

To stand with when things aren’t quite right

To lift up when they have fallen down

To cry when their loved one is gone

To hold when the knife has left an empty soul

To challenge when they have gone one step too far

And to welcome them back as they return

A world rarely touched as we scroll on by

Something a pixeled box can’t fill

A frown

A tear

A sigh

A grin

A smile

A laugh

Or maybe a smirk

The twinkle in the eye

The trembling hands

A racing heart

A warm hug

A loving kiss

The beauty displayed in a simple face to face

Lost in the maze:

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“Glad I could connect with a lot of friends…

It was just the fix I needed”

This canvas you see

Of mountain tops

And the roaring seas

They are just the ones that look good

A carefully cultivated image

To please the masses

And receive the clicks

Yet it is the ones that go unshared

The goofy and hilarious,

That mean the most

But you won’t quite get those moments

Because…

You kind of had to be there

We capture all these moments to share with others

And fail to live in them ourselves

Is a moment worth sharing,

If you can’t even remember the moment yourself?

We spend all our time finding the right shot

The one that everyone will like

Yet fail to ask ourselves

Do I even like it?

We’re careful to cultivate a collage of moments

Without ever taking the time ponder them ourselves

We share so many experiences with others

Yet forget to share in experiences with others

I’ve traded intimacy for what is easy

Something that doesn’t cost me a thing

I’ve sought connection

But only if I can jump in and out at any moment

I’ve lost myself in this pixeled tragedy

And forfeited living

And accepted a shade of what it means to live

Dear Expectations

Dear Expectations,

 

Why’d you let me down?

I gave you my heart

I gave you my hopes

I gave you my dreams

And you just gave them right back

Without them seeing the light of reality

You slammed the door in my face

As an unwanted guest

And didn’t even care

 

I walk right next to you

Laughing with every step

As time stands and stares

We laugh

We cry

And we share this journey

But it soon passes by,

A future that never came to be

 

Will I dream again?

Hope again?

Live again?

 

I leave behind scars which marked the way

Dreams which never came to be

Stare right back at me

I hope for a better past

Yet know it will never come to pass

I wish I was sad to see you go,

But I must I admit

You weren’t what I had hoped

And that is the saddest part of all

 

I shall say goodbye

I lay to rest my “right”

To the life of my expectations

And embrace the life

Of all that may come

Dear Tomorrow

Dear Tomorrow,

I am scared of the morning sun

I am scared of the answers you will bring

And the reality that may very well come

My stomach clenches at the very thought of you

Why can’t you stay where you belong?

Why do you try to ruin this very moment?

Why have I allowed you to break through the boundary,

That today is not your day?

You didn’t just ruin your own day

You took today with you

No more!

In fact,

Today is calling me

I will see

And deal with you,

Tomorrow.

The Hazy Eyes of Faith

I walk,

I fall

I walk,

I fall

I walk,

I fall

 

Are these even eyes at all?

I stare into the distance

Which just looks the same

A wall of mist,

A fog,

A haze

 

“I will trust you…

This is too much,

I can’t do this”

 

“I will trust you now…

This is still too much,

I don’t think I can do this”

 

“Okay, I will trust you…

This is too difficult

I can’t continue on”

 

These are the hazy eyes of faith

 

The pain that clogs the memory

The rejection that hardens the soul

The death that pushes you to the edge

The failure that is the last straw

 

These are the hazy eyes of faith

 

What if this ends up like the last time?

What if I can’t keep going?

What if this is a mistake?

It is too dangerous

I don’t know if I can do this

 

These are the hazy eyes of faith

 

“Look at how good I have been

I have done all this good stuff

I’m good enough now”

Can control be retained

While living a life of faith?

I’ve looked

And I’ve tried

I kick

And I scream

Is there any other way?

This path of control

Is crystal clear

Every step seen

 

Yet the path of faith and grace

Challenges the eyes

For there is fog down that path

A hazy mist we can’t see through

 

These are the hazy eyes of faith

 

I walk,

I fall

I walk,

I stumble

I walk

These are the eyes of faith

That stare into the distance

A wall of mist,

Of fog,

Of haze

And step with assurance

In the One walking amidst the haze

Dear the Past that I Can’t Let Go Of

Dear the Past that I Can’t Let Go Of,

 

Why do you stick around?

I thought you’d gone

You wake me up at night

And won’t get out of my mind

I replay you over and over again

To see how the story plays out

Different than what I am living with

 

Yet no matter what I do

I can’t fix you

I can’t change you

I can’t let go of you

Because…

I can’t live with the story that came to be

I can’t look at myself

Or this regret

Yet I know it’s there

To give you up

Would be to give up these hopes

These dreams I held dearly

This future that will never come to be

 

Time to turn and face the music

To look at reality

And not this fantasy

I have held hostage

 

It’s time to let you go

And the dream that one day I will fix you

It’s time to let you go

And the chains you’ve bound me in

It’s time to let you go

 

For the past does not hold the keys to healing

Up ahead lies the beauty I cannot see

Grace and forgiveness,

Which I have neglected far too long

I now lean into the Potter’s hands

Where the past will find its hope

Its redemption,

Repurposed clay

Ready for the kiln

 

So, this is goodbye

And not a see you later

Dear Today

Dear Today,

 

I don’t know you very well

I don’t know what you may hold

I spent so much time with your siblings,

A time long ago

And a time that will never be,

But I have failed to give you the time of day

I didn’t take the time to enjoy your beauty

Or your charm

I must admit,

I am slightly scared

As I journey this new territory

 

The stage is yours

Knock my socks off

What If

A world of broken dreams

And hopeful ones

Of a road long gone

Or a brighter future

A sorrow filled sigh

Or a joyful thought

A trap from the past

Or a place of broken shackles

Worlds are created

In this fictional space

We regret

We dream

And we wonder

A world painted in bright colors

Or permanent blots

Marking our every move

What if

Two simple words

Yet two sharp edges

What if I had just said hello

What if I had just said no

What if I had just walked away sooner

What if I had just taken that chance

What if I stopped the second guessing

What if I stopped this charade

Because the regret of yesterday

Saps the joy from tomorrow

And you know what?

What if the best is yet to come.

The 10 Hour Gap of Death