Fulfilled in the Mystery

I’ve traveled to the edge of fear

Where hope seems lost

Joy turns to sorrow

And life seems like death…

 

The tug to step over was so strong

But a hand reached out,

Pulling my soul out from these depths

The hand of the Father

Who found me

And saved me

Long ago

 

He walked each step down this path

Hurting with every single one

Wishing I would just look around

And see Him standing there

With a lamp lighting the way home

Where supper was ready

Warm clothes were set out

A cozy fire to curl up by

And a pillow to lay my weary head on

 

“Lord, I’m sorry I have brought you this far

For your glory deserves holiness

Not this stain you have received

But you oh Lord find something in me

A relationship to be had.

Why you continue to pursue me,

An imperfect being,

I will never know.

Why you would give up your own,

I cannot fathom.

Why you suffered,

I cannot understand.

Why you took on shame,

I cannot grasp.

Why you took my stain,

Is a mystery.

Yet you have done it all

Out of your love for me.

 

When the darkness was all around

You were there

Lighting my every way

I can see it now

You never left my side,

I just never looked to see your presence

 

You take me on journeys,

Both joyful and hard,

My life is not about me,

Only you:

For your love to shine like the brightest star

For your hope to break through every cloud

For your joy to cover all sadness

For your glory to shake all around

 

You are God and I am not

You are good,

Both in the light and in the gray

 

Whatever brings you glory,

Lord, I will do it

Whether joy or pain, I will walk in it

I can say this now,

But Lord…

Give me strength to live this out”

 

“You don’t belong there”

A voice comes from the shadows

“Don’t listen to that other man

He does not know you

He does not want you

And in the time of need,

He will be gone.

Come on back…”

 

“My child,

He seeks to deceive you,”

The Father cries out

“For my love for you continues on

I will walk this journey with you

I will connect your broken pieces

And make you new

Believe in me.”

 

Here I stand

At the edge of faith and fear

The choice is mine

To step out upon the water of faith

Or return to the land of fear once more

 

With a single step I’m gone

Into the water away from the shore,

The foundation I’ve known

Where shackles lined the way

 

The water is daunting

So long and so wide

I have no vest

I have no boat

To save me now

Faith is my guide

Faith has overcome the fear

I cannot deny the call of the Father

Calling me on

Away from that foundation I have known far too long

I will die following this call

Yet I choose this path

Because He is enough now

 

I’ve found my end

And His beginning.

Let the Tender Hands

Darkness.

Hurt.

Pain.

Some will be forgotten

Some will be buried,

Buried down in the cavern of the soul

They seem lost somewhere down there

As if they will never see the light of day

Where they will fester

And pester the soul

And eat a hole

Right to the core

Now laid bare

For a soul to come and care

 

So along comes a lion,

A wolf in sheep’s clothing

Preaching hope and freedom

From the pain piled deep down inside

He plants a thought

Mistaking gashes for mending

And fancying a blade

As the aid,

The tool of his healing

 

I bought this thought

For freedom is what I sought

To carry me away

From the burden I carry

I grabbed the blade

By now the damage has been done

The marks do not fade

It’s hard to look away

 

Back comes the lion

Now taunting his prey

Who bought his hope

And his lies

Now they just fade to

Fear.

Guilt.

Shame.

 

A voice calls out

“Where are you going?”

“I’m hiding

For I am afraid of what you may say

Just look at my scars

Oh, how I stained your masterpiece.”

 

“Who told you that?

Child of mine, I see no stain

I still see my masterpiece

Whom I breathed into life.”

 

“But I lost

The crafty one has won,

Just look what I have done!”

 

“Don’t you see

That from his mouth

Comes the words of judgment

Whose chains were broken long ago

He did not win because you are in need of grace

I have won,

For by grace I made the way.”

 

“Won’t others see my scars?”

 

“They may, but I don’t.”

 

“Won’t they see me differently?”

 

“They may, but I don’t.”

 

“Have you heard my mouth and what it has said?

Have you seen my eyes and what they have seen?

Have you seen my hands and what they have done?

If you did you wouldn’t want this soul!”

 

“I love you,

Don’t ever forget this

I love you,

Scars and all.”

 

“You may, but I can’t.”

 

We all find ourselves with scars of our own

Some large

Some small

Some out in the open

And still some hidden far from the light

 

We run, run, and run some more

To go far away from the pain we bear

But farther down this hole we go

There, guilt and shame will swallow us whole

 

Turn and open up those wounds

To let the light of grace come in

As the arms of hope wrap around

Let the tender hands cleanse you now

And hold you now,

And forevermore.

Though I Walk Through the Valley

Lord, do you see me here?

Am I left to die in this place?

Please hear my cry

 

Will I see a day

When I don’t look back

Or sink back to the bottom?

The lows are so low

And the highs?

Well they are merely not the lows

 

Will I finish this race?

I can barely make it a day,

A week

A month

How will I ever make it to the end?

The descent has been unbearable

What is next?

The painful decline from unbearable to…

 

The heart is restless

And clenches for what is to come

With dread for what may vary well arise

Doubt engulfs every thought

 

The heart screams

Yet not even a whisper can be heard

The temptation of the blade

Comes knocking

Thumbs finger the gate towards shame

With fate resting on the sharp edge

 

Will I see tomorrow?

Will I wake to these scars

And hide them from foreign eyes

Only to wish I could unsee them?

 

Lord do you see me here

I am far too weak

And about to break

Can you stop me from myself

And what I am about to do

 

Will the sun shine again?

Will you grace me with your presence again, oh Lord?

Will you carry me to your still waters?

Will you guide this lost and wayward heart?

 

Light has withdrawn

And left the soul to cave

To every thought and scheme

A false hope in death

A fake relief through a bloody release

 

An endless pit

Downward, downward, downward

With each breath, the next one fails

Stuck in this daze

A nightmare with a powerful grip

 

Please forgive me

For I have sinned

I have left your steady hand

To dwell in the darkness

 

I call upon the Cross

The beautiful, wonderful Cross

The pure and holy blood of the Lamb

 

Oh Lord

In this time of need

Please save me

 

I am…

…

…

…

Lost

 

I try and only further push you away

I’m in quicksand

Sinking far too fast

 

Oh Lord, my rock

Please save me.

The 10 Hour Gap of Death